Beth's Journal
by living in dreamland
Summary: The title says it all.
1. Part 1

Beth's Journal

Summer 2007

English 1H

_December 25, 1860_

We all thought this Christmas would be somewhat disappointing. Money has been especially tight lately, and Father is away at war, so none of us expected much this year. Still, we made the best with what we have. We decided not to buy anything for ourselves and give Mother presents instead. Meg decided to buy her gloves, and Jo bought a pair of Army shoes. Amy bought a small bottle of cologne, which she later exchanged for a larger one. I bought her some hemmed handkerchiefs and stitched "Mother" on them. Jo laughed, but Meg said it was a good idea.

When we woke up, we looked under our pillows and found the books Mother had promised. We read them for a while before we went downstairs. We were beginning to get very hungry.

Before breakfast, however, we went to meet the Hummel family. They are a very poor German family, with a mother and several children. The youngest is a newborn baby. They were very cold and hungry, so we brought them our breakfast and started a fire. Hannah used some of our old hats and her cloak to cover the cracked windows. When we got home, we had bread and milk for breakfast, and we gave Mother her presents.

Before dinner, some girls we know came to our house. They watched us perform a play in a room upstairs. We practiced for weeks, so it all went smoothly, except for one scene when part of the scenery fell down. The costumes were just right, and the room was decorated like a small theater.

Our neighbor Mr. Laurence is a wealthy old gentleman. He lives with his grandson in the mansion next door. One of his servants told him about our morning with the Hummels, so he sent us a big dinner. There was ice cream, cake, fruit, and much more. This was a very good Christmas, but I still wish Father could be here.

_November 2, 1861_

Last night, we received a telegraph about Father. It said that he is very ill and that Mother should come quickly. He is at Blank Hospital in Washington.

First, Laurie went to send a reply to the hospital and to leave a note for Aunt March. Then Jo went to town to tell Mrs. King that Mother would not be coming to the Soldiers' Aid Society meeting. She also got some supplies Mother thought she might need at the hospital. I went to tell Mr. Laurence what was happening, and Amy, Meg, and Hannah helped Mother pack her trunk. Mr. Laurence came back with me and offered to help. He left rather quickly after that, and then Laurie's tutor, John Brooke, came and told Meg that he would escort Mother to Washington.

The time passed quickly, and it was quite late when Jo finally returned home. She said she wanted to do something to help Mother, so she went to a barbershop in town and sold her hair for twenty-five dollars. She looks completely different now, and she has been unusually quiet.

We spent the rest of the night talking and keeping busy, and we finally went to bed around ten o'clock. It was not hard to go to sleep, but I did wake up a few times during the night.

Mother left with Mr. Brooke early this morning. The sun had just come up, and Hannah, Laurie, and Mr. Laurence were with us. Still, it was very difficult to say goodbye, and we all felt strange after she left. We hope that Father will improve and they will both be home soon.

_December 7, 1861_

This is the first time in weeks that I have felt well enough to write. I have been very sick with scarlet fever. It all started one day when I was watching the Hummel children. Mrs. Hummel had gone to get the doctor, but the baby died before they came.

When I came home, I took some medicine right away. I was worried because I had been around the children all week, and I was already starting to feel ill. Laurie went to get Dr. Bangs, and then he and Jo took Amy to stay with Aunt March so she would not get sick.

My condition grew worse very quickly. Dr. Bangs came every day, and Hannah did what she could to help. Jo stayed with me most of the time. She told me that many people came and asked how I was doing. It was not long before Hannah let Jo send Mother a telegram asking her to come home.

After Jo sent the telegram, Laurie told her that he had sent one the day before. Mother came home very early the next morning, and I woke up a few hours later. Everyone was very happy and very tired from staying up all night, so the house was quiet and I soon fell asleep again.

A great deal has happened since I last wrote. Father had a relapse, and John Brooke is with him now at the hospital. Also, Aunt March gave Amy the turquoise ring she wanted, so she is very happy. She will come home soon. I wish I could write more, but I am too tired now, and Mother says I must get some rest.

_December 25, 1861_

It has been a year since I began writing in this journal. This morning, Mother read us a letter Father sent and gave us our presents. There was a silver silk dress for Meg, a book for Jo, a painting for Amy, and a red dress for me. Later, Jo dressed up as a snow-maiden and sang us a song she had written. Then Laurie brought us more presents. There were flowers and delicious fruit, ice cream, some sheet music for the piano, and a colorful afghan.

Best of all, Father has come home. He said he was feeling much better and hoped to surprise us. We all took turns telling him about everything that has happened in the past year. We began talking at nine in the morning, and we did not notice the time again until Laurie, Mr. Laurence, and Mr. Brooke came for dinner. They had to leave early, but they promised to come again soon. We are very fortunate to have such good friends. They have helped make this a very good year.

_December 26, 1861_

I am so excited I can hardly write. John Brooke came to see how Father was doing this afternoon. He saw Meg, and he told her that he loved her and wanted to marry her someday. At first, she seemed very opposed to the idea. Then Aunt March came to see how Father was doing, and she said it would be a mistake because he is not rich. She even suggested that he was only interested because he heard we have some rich relatives. Finally, Aunt March told Meg that if she married him, she would write her out of her will. She left soon after that.

Mother and Father say they must wait until Meg is twenty before they can get married, and they have agreed. Three years should be enough time to prepare and for Jo to get used to the idea, because she does not like it much. Still, Mr. Brooke is a good man, and I am sure he will work very hard to make Meg happy.


	2. Part 2

It is Meg's wedding day! We have all been waiting for it so long. Mr. Brooke went to war and was hurt, and we were all so anxious for him, especially Meg. She hardly ate or slept for days and became so very pale, and we were all worried about her. Now she looks so happy and so beautiful. A few people are coming now. I cannot remember their names, but I know the lady used to be close friends with Meg. Meg once stayed with her for a few days, and I suppose something must have happened between them then, because she was not quite herself afterwards, and they were not so close anymore. They are dressed in the newest fashions, but they do not look half as happy as she does. It is funny, really, and a little sad, that Meg and Mr. Brooke, who is by no means rich, can be so happy, while these people cannot.

Something quite extraordinary has happened. Laurie has gone away. Jo seems quite upset. It is a shame they could not be happy together, but like Mother says, they may be good friends, but as husband and wife they should disagree far too much. I am beginning to think that Amy would be a very good match for him. She is so much grown up now. Since I was sick, she has changed. She does not waste time or put on airs anymore, and she no longer sees playing games as childish. She is also very generous and pretty and good-tempered, and I am sure anyone would love to have her.

Sometimes I think about the future. My future. What can it hold in store for one so small and insignificant as myself? I have no special talents. I cannot write like Jo or draw like Amy.

Jo has gone away again. She went to be a governess in the city, and now she returns to be a writer. With so many people leaving, I am beginning to feel very lonely.

Jo is back. She has written many stories but says they were all very bad and she will not write more like them. She offers to pay for Mother and me to take a trip to the beach, but Mother does not feel like it now, so we will go together. The way she looks at me now is very strange. I hope she has not noticed… I am losing hope. I am tired all the time now. Before Jo went away, I was trying to deny it, trying to believe I was wrong and everything was fine, but I knew it was not. Jo has always been quite perceptive. Perhaps the time away has sharpened her eye and taken enough away from me that she could not help seeing it.

Today Jo and I went to the beach. I was right. She knew. She even saw my unhappiness last fall when Laurie went away. Then she suspected I was sad because I loved him! But no, it was because I realized how weak I was becoming and that I would never recover fully from my illness, only deteriorate. I could not believe it then. I had tried to think of the future only to realize I would never do anything great or even grow up and get married and have children like Meg.

I will not be able to write for much longer, but I must say how thankful I am to Jo for showing me that I will be missed when I go. She wrote the nicest poem, and it made me stop feeling so sad. My life had some meaning. I will be missed. All that is left is to say goodbye, and I will go peacefully to the place where there is no more pain or tears. For the last time, goodbye.

**Yes, I know it's been forever, and I just wanted to say thank you to everyone who read, especially Mariagoner, Hannah Wicklund, and JessicaWitch. Thanks for your reviews. Merry Christmas, everyone.**


End file.
